I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
