the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
