..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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