ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
