I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
