I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
