Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
