i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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