K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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