Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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