Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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