In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
