But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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