Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
