Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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