I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm too high and old for this...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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