He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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