ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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