So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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