i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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