this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
