omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
