AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
