Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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