Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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