that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
