Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
