you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
