everyone is single if you try hard enough
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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