wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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