I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
