I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
