You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
