Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
