What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
