Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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