I am puke
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
