I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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