Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
