making cat noises will not fix the situation.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His hands were made for my vagina.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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