I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
