On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
