just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
