someone threw a dead crab at me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
