She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
handjob tips. give me some.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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