It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
