I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
