Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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