it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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