Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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