hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
