With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
