It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
