Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
