i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
