Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
