it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
