I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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