I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
