He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
