pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
