Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
