Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
