you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
